i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
