Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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