4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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