If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
