the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
