Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
