It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I am one with the molecules
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
