Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
