I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
