here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he shaved USA in his pubs
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
