Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
