Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
