Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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