Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
