Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
