I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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