how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
