is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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