Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
