I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
