I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
