Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
