peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
