We named our party play list daddy issues
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
