I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You may now shotgun with the bride
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
