I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
