how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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