She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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