brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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