I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
a search helicopter?!
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
