the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
