ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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