I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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