Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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