If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
