Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
