Plan B is the new Plan A
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
not ubering you a puppy
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
