Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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