she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
