im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
