I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
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