like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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