Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
