dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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