i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
