Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
