Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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