grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
