this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
