I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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