Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
